Raising a Terrorist (?) and Dwarfism

I don't know why more moms aren't making millions on the comedy circuit... My kids provide plenty of milk-out-your-nose fodder. Like today...

But first, a little background...

Everyone knows that I hold my husband in highest regard. Having said that, he is still a Dad and not a Mom. We're moving in on Saturday: Jon takes Mackey to do all the U-Haul stuff, pick-ups, un-packing, etc. while I take Lucy for a special test. Sometime during the Mack-Daddy male bonding, a Swiss-Army knife is exchanged, as in: "Here, Mackey, why don't I give you this knife." Jon assures me, even as I write this, that they had 'an understanding' that it was only to be used under adult supervision. In the mele, Jon forgets to retrieve the knife back from Mackey, and Mackey, no fool, doesn't mention it either.

Fast forward to Sunday after church...

Me: So, guys what kind of stuff did you do in Primary today?

Mackey: We colored pictures of bunnies. Oh, and I have my knife.

Me (cough, sputter - low, conspiratol tone): What?! Please tell me that you didn't you show that to all the kids in your class?!

Mackey (matter-of-factly): No, Mom, just my teachers.

Lucy (as loud as her 7 year old voice can strain): Mackey! You can't bring a knife to church! They're gonna think that Mom is rasing a terrorist!!!

Yes, this is actually my life. But wait! There's more (just minus that public humiliation - a subject in which I could probably earn a PhD...)

Tonight, we were just on our way to a Waffle and Ice Cream Social for the newly moved in members of our church congregation. Really fun. On our way, Mackey points out that he saw a small boy riding his bike without 'adult supervision'. Lucy, smartly stunned at both the thought of a child not being supervised and the irony of Mackey's keen observation of such, has to counter with an alternative possibility: "Well, yeah, or he could just have dwarfism." Of course, dwarfism.

All Hail Overstock.com

I've had a lot of fun virtually furnishing my make-believe house that I don't have possession of yet. I've clogged up our tight living quarters with furniture and flatware, and I've placed orders for certain things to arrive at the new house that I thought would take longer to ship. Unfortunately, what I didn't account for was my geographical change within the United States. Huh, you say? Since Texas is smack dab in the middle of the country, 1) alot of places have warehouses here: Target and Horchow for starters, and 2) a lot of distribution is done in the midwest putting us closer to the delivery source. For instance, I ordered 4 chairs from my beloved http://target.com/ on a Monday afternoon. No kidding, they arrived Tuesday afternoon. I was budgeting ship times based on my experiences in back east, very congested metro Virginia.

Perhaps I jumped the gun because it all bit me in the behiney last night. I was checking the status of an order I had placed on http://overstock.com/, when I realized that the extremely cool leopard print rug I'd ordered arrived a day early...and was marked as deliverd to doorstep. Crud. As you can imagine, the rug was nowhere to be found when I got there this a.m. After calling the construction manager, sales guy, and my dad (to plan a return for reward strategy), I decided to live chat with Overstock. They gave me NO GRIEF at all and offered to replace rug if it wasn't to be found by UPS. I was so impressed, I had to tell all of you about it. And by all, I mean my 6 faithful readers! I've included some pix of a

couple of things I've ordered...

Help! I'm Having a Hairstyle Crisis!

I was up WAY TOO LATE last night looking for new hair. It's kind of like my personal holy grail. But last night, I think I had a breakthrough. I went to http://www.instyle.com/instyle/makeover/ , uploaded a picture of myself and went to town. It was really fun, and I'm posting the two best plus a safe change that is most like the hair I have now. Please tell me what you think...you know, in the nicest way possible.

Milepebbles...not so much stones

So, cutie patootie (as much as it galls me to quote ANYTHING Rosie O'Donnell) Calvin had a very belated 15 month check up today. Man, do I feel like a slacker mom http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6960732/site/newsweek/ or http://www.slacker-moms-r-us.com/!

Here's the list of questions that were answered by brief, uncomfortable silence:

• RN: Is he walking? ME: Uh...well...he climbs...like Spiderman. Does that count? Have you seen his thighs? You'd have a hard time moving those things around, too!


• RN: How many words does he have? At least 5-10, right? ME: Words...words? He really likes to point out balls...Oh! And mom. Er... How many did you say he should have?


• RN: How many servings of vegetables does he eat a day? (Really long pause - I barely cook in the apartment) ME: Servings a DAY? Or a WEEK?


• RN: What animals does he know? ME: Well, there's Yoda and then there's Chewbacca, but I'm not sure they have patent 'sounds'. Well, Chewbacca does. I actually think that he's skipped the whole 'animal thing'...

I'm laying this all squarely at the feet of...my children. They baby the baby. He barely has to talk to get what he wants, let alone move. And then there's the whole 'in transition'.

The (really great, by the way) RN ended the appointment with: "Well, don't hesitate to call to schedule an appointment if you get worried about his development."

Heath Wincott 38

Lest I be flattered that a drunken Walmart regular who looked like the bitter love child of Heath Ledger (awesome) and the creepy lackey to Sheriff Nottingham in Kevin Costner's Robin Hood aka Michael Wincott (bad)...I was a-talking with a dad at the playground and somehow age came up. He says, "So, what are you, 38?" Ok, not that 38 is old. Duh. But I'm NOT 38. And at the rabbit-hutch rate that these wrinkles around my eyes are reproducing, I need to stave off every extra year! Any anti-wrinkle cream recommendations?

Love, Logic, and Preschool In No Particular Order

Hey...anyone out there have an opinion or used "Love and Logic" (http://loveandlogic.com)? I would love your feedback! Please comment. Lucy's school is providing seminars, and I'm considering the seminars or the books on cd.
Also, and no, I don't have pictures yet, Mackey started preschool this week! We slipped him into a great program when someone dropped at the very last moment! Wahoo! I had no idea just how 'competitive' it was (in the most Ashburn, VA kind of way) until I ran into a mom who goes to my church outside the classroom. (Wow! That was a lot of prepositions!) She was stunned that a newbie a) found it out and b) could get in on short notice.
Because they have full-day kindergarten, preschool hours are long to ease transition: 9 am - 2 pm. They even have a nap time! Is that not the cutest thing??? I was commenting to Kim Auch that long preschool hours are bitter-sweet: it's the start of an educational career centered on his spending a long time with other people; and it's nice to have the break. After a week of him being home sick, difficult sick not darling sick, it's less bitter.

Walmart - The Freaks Come Out at Night

When I lived in VA, I didn't go to Walmart. Because it was scary. My friend, Jenn Mangum told me that SHE didn't go there either because whenever she did, random people yelled at her or (no kidding) threw up on her. In Texas, I go grocery shopping at Walmart; I don't like it, but I do it. It's close to the apartment, and it's cheap. Unfortunately for me, I wind up going after 9 pm when my children are in bed. And, as anyone who has been in a Walmart after 9 pm knows, the freaks come out at night http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLYC7ltxOrk.

Case in point (and I am NOT making this up): My kids were all home sick today, so I wanted to go running at the gym tonight after they went to bed - just to get out. Afterwards, I went to the aforementioned Walmart to pick up some bread, milk, and other sundries. I get my groceries; and no matter where I'm at, I cannot resist looking at clothes. So, I'm checking out some little boy t-shirts in the children's department. Some young-ish guy (shopping for little kid clothes, too?) looks at me, smiles, and says something. I'm kind of deaf, so, stepping closer, I politely ask him to repeat himself. He says something again. He's so darn quiet, so, again, I ask him to repeat himself. Seriously, this goes on two more times. I really don't hear very well, especially if there's a lot of other environmental noise...like in a Walmart at 10 pm when people go shopping with all of their extended family and children in tow. But anyway, I finally hear him: "Are you interested in a one-time fling?" Huh? Me? I'm shopping for kids clothes?! I was so embarrassed! I half laughed, half turned away and said, "No thank you." No thank you. Who says NO THANK YOU?! As I'm walking away, I think of all the things I SHOULD have said. One, in particular: "Um, seriously, has that ever worked before?" (Ever the curious sociologist.) So, please weigh in: what should I have said? What would you have said? Remi, my dear, quick-witted friend, I want to hear from you, too!!!!

Week of Firsts

THESE!...have been a few weeks of 'firsts' for the Fishers!

Lucy: first week of school (which she has loved...what's not to love? there's only 9 other kids in her class right now!); lost her first tooth (wow-e-wow-wow has inflation hit the tooth-fairying industry); and got her first set of (uber-cute) eye glasses! She was so excited when she got her glasses: "I can see! I can see!" Visionary pearls of great price: check often...her vision deteriorated rather quickly. First squint, take a hint.

Mackey: first major road trip with just dad...which hopefully doesn't evolve into his first time relieving himself 'road trip style'. I told my husband that their little adventure (or misadventure) was going to be like Las Vegas: what happens on the road trip, stays on the road trip (aka the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy).

Calvin: first steps (at 16 months!)...I had been previously concerned that he wouldn't be able to sufficiently woo Sienna Casillas at BYU if she had to push him around in a wheelchair. Alas, there is hope! And, no, we didn't have another child, that's a picture of Jessie's little girl, Sienna.

Dirty Dancing...Only, Not Really

"I've had the time of my life" in the least Dirty Dancing kind of way possible...

Recently, I went back to my VA stomping grounds to sell off a house full of furniture through Craig's List http://craigslist.com/ (which I HIGHLY recommend) and to Jessie Casillas (always think of me, ok?). Let me just say: the Saturday morning that I flew in, Dawn graciously picked me up, we got muffins at Wegman's, and then said good-bye to all calm that would be had for the rest of the day. Thankfully Dawn would foresee what I could not: I was in way over my head to go it alone. Dawn and her husband, Luis, SAVED MY LIFE - clearing and moving furniture, getting rid of food (there a couple of really happy frat boys out there enjoying a month's worth of groceries and other COOKING accrutements), and going well beyond the extra mile in every way. All this, by the way, after I said that I didn't anticipate needing any help, thank you, and by all means go off and enjoy their Saturday; I'd catch up with them later. HA! Thank you again!

Amidst all the chaos, my parents-in-law and my brother- and sister-in-law schlepped down from Frederick, MD to take their primadonna in-law out to dinner. Because I'd made prior plans and committments (see below), I told them that I didn't have much time between the open house sale and (what comes before Part B?) Part A (partay!). And they were STILL interested in coming down. Isn't that nice? So, here we are in front of Sala Thai http://www.salathaidc.com/menu_ashburn.html. It was great to see them!

The crowning event of my weekend was being privileged to visit with my saintly, rockstar hottie friends that I won't be seeing for a while. Such a great group of ladies - I'm lucky to have kept such good company in my life. And, yeah, that would be me in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE - same cheese-eatin' grin. I tried to change it up, but I wasn't too successful. My friend, Audrey, who just does things well and who had been up since an unholy hour that morning for a bike race - see her link to your right, hosted a great party that gave me an opportunity to see a lot of friends before I went back to Texas. We chatted and had a wonderful time keeping up Audrey's neighbors (who kept spying on us from their windows - hellooo? back-lighting? - probably wondering what a bunch of Mormon mommies could possibly be doing up so late). No fallout, I hope, Audrey??? They gave me a fabulous picture book of Washington, DC, which they all signed ("I promised myself I wasn't going to cry!" - Mike Meyers). Sigh. It would have been a lot more traumatic for me, I think, if I thought I wouldn't be back. But, of course, we'll visit Jon's folks, just up the river in Frederick, MD, so we'll be out. Thank you for your friendship and for reminding me on a monthly basis that I can function on a Friday with 3 hours of sleep! I've been blessed by the friendship of wonderfully inspirational people. Thank you again!

Ooops? Did I Mention We Bought a House?

So, we bought a house.

The purchase was the culmination of several critical factors; none of which, as I discovered later, would have to do with a passionate feeling for 'the house'. I told Jon that this was his decision because I had done nothing but SUFFER for my choice in the last house.

Factors:

1. The checking of the structural 'boxes': 2 bdrms down/3 up, library down, study up, media rm, and game rm.


2. Real estate agent agitation...actually that's putting it mildly: Jon was positively giddy to 'break up' with the stalker agent - although I was a bit apprehensive about the possibility of coming home to rabbit soup(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_Attraction) So, we just struck out on our own.


3. Home search exhaustion: every spare minute we had was spent determining where to live...so much so that my kids grew very accustomed to the model home diet of soda and treats and kicking back in the media room.


4. Three VERY LOUD kids in a 1000 square feet (I don't have any idea how people at Y Mount do it) http://www.amli.com/Community/Community.aspx?RegionTag=dallas&CommunityTag=deerfield&ACH=False&TabName=Plans.


5. It will be ready by the end of September-ish...Um, did you say September? Sold!

We still got to pick out backsplash tile, some flooring, etc. Here are some under construction pix:

I Knew Texas Was Friendly...

This is just a bridge post before I download my VA trip pix to my computer (Jon has my camera...presumably to document his awesome guy status demonstrated by the fact that he brought Mackey with him on the VA road trip).

Because Jon has an expense account for food, we've gotten into a NASTY habit of going out to eat A LOT. We frequent this one place in particular...it's like PF Chang's and Noodle Company had a love child and named it Pei Wei http://peiwei.com/. Seriously, we're there, like, 3 times a week: the whole staff knows my family. ANYWAY, I'm there yesterday - with no expense account - and this delightful lady is eating something that looks new and fabulous. So, I say: "Excuse me, do you mind if I ask what you've ordered?" She politely replies: "Of course not; it's the Kung Pao Shrimp. Would you like to try a bite? I will never eat all of this!" And she was so sincere! You could just tell she was a mom who raised her family with a lot of generosity and was accustomed to sharing. Isn't that so nice? Oh, wait! Am I just pre-menstral? No. She was just great.