Bad Prison Movie

Ugh! I'm THOROUGHLY convinced that The (beloved) Calvin is destined for a life of crime or at least a bad prison movie. Newest nicknames? GRAND THEFT AUTO and Hack...not to mention the on-going Oedipus (shudder). His latest 'interest' has been to filch car keys and try to start the car. START THE CAR. Non-stop questions about driving, turning 16, traffic laws...? Now...I remember hearing about kids like this when I was a mother of younger children and being QUITE condemning. Let me assure you: this is a behavior that sneaks up on you. There's no parental pre-planning for this! I put the keys up high...I impose sanctions...but the kid is pretty slick.
Then there's the computer...I sign out of EVERYTHING before I leave my desk so that Calvin doesn't spam all of my friends. Or worse. Last week, I made the mistake of leaving an online shopping cart up while I did something else. He managed to add all sorts of things! Thankfully he doesn't have my credit card.
And then there's Oedipus. The Halls recently had to endure a retelling of the cute bootie story (thank you, Mackey), and now there's one to trump. I was laid out on Jon on the floor yesterday when Calvin moseys in. I braced my back (runners are an injury-fearing breed) for impact. He laid out on me. And then: wait for it...wait for it...did a two handed reach around. WHAT THE HECK?
Hmmm...who feels like a bad prison movie now?!