Reflections

Do you ever look at your children and see a reflection of yourself? Maybe in the curly hair, grey eyes... For those of you who have seen our family, you know I have little claim on their outward appearance as all three are variations of my husband. However, I'm constantly aware of my influence on their inward appearance. And, of course, I have multiple cases in point.

Incidentally, Mackey's preschool just held their parent teacher conferences. In anticipation, I recall my experience with preschool conferences for Lucy; her teachers lauded her accomplishments, intelligence, and behavior (all inherited from Jon)...in her little 2 year old class, her teacher even commented that if she needed to be absent, she was confident that Lucy could take over. I remember Mackey's past conferences have been a little different - which is fine. In the past, I went eagerly and naively, expecting to hear Lucy-brand praise for a not Lucy-brand child. Instead:

Me (a little too confidently): "So, how's it going with Mackey?"

Teacher (a little uncomfortable with my over-confidence): "Well..."

Fast forward to this past Thursday...

So, positioned as we were in chairs made for tiny behineys, I wasn't sure what to expect from this conference. Micky opened with praise for Mack's accomplishments, intellectual brilliance (Dawn, if you're reading, you were absolutely right about Mackey!), charisma, and kind-heartedness. Sensing a "but", I probed...(kindof an alien encounter pun, there. Sorry.) We then discussed her concern about Mackey's manipulating and bossing his peers - clearly using super powers for wrong - and how he is Teflon about taking responsibility for his negative behavior. I immediately saw the reflection of myself in his Teflon-like behavior and blushed at having the evidence of my own bad example laid before me.

As I write this, I catch myself - does anyone else do this? - taking responsibility for the negative behaviors my children may exhibit (nurture) while attributing their good ones to nature? During the praise part, I smile and nod giddily, not connecting the good with the me. But the minute preschool humanity rears its less-than-pretty head...

And while Lucy more closely reflects Jon in behavior, I can take credit for some influence. Just not in the forum of my choosing. For example, I went to Lucy's Open House on that same Thursday. In the hallway outside the classroom, a couple of students' "If I Were President" projects were hanging on the wall. I found Lucy's among them and read (with great supporting reasons): "If I were President, I would bomb Iraq, make kids be homeschooled, and imprison people that used potty talk outside of the bathroom." I guess I have more influence than I think!

In the same political vein, I was listening to talk radio (some things never change - at least these are syndicated so I don't call in) when some remark got me all fired up. Just Calvin - not quite a chatterbox yet - was in the car and an errant "IDIOT" escaped my lips. Yes, yes, the echo came jumbled out through the holes of the pacifier-stuffed mouth behind me. And, as evidenced in the picture, you can never underestimate the influence of an older brother who loves Nerf dart guns.