Prophet and President Hinckley Dies at 97

After posting such a light-hearted recap of my weekend with the McKinlays, I discovered that Gordon B. Hinckley, BELOVED prophet and president of our church passed away http://www.newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/. He was an amazing man, and we will miss his guidance, humor, and direction. We are comforted, however, by the knowledge that the Lord will continue to provide revelation through another prophet of His appointing. For more information, please see http://lds.org.

McLingo

I may not have snapped any pix of the McKinlay visit...but we had Good Times (do you remember that show - DY-NO-MITE?) http://www.tvland.com/theme_songs/. We all get along really well: the kids, the parents...family nirvana. A possible reason for this may be that Alex and I were separated at birth and apparently that birth was in a low-rent crack-house based on the music we seem to bond over. For instance, we created a play list of potential workout songs to download (clean):

Push It (Remix)
Pump Up the Jam
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (Single Version)
Paralyzer
Low (feat. T-Pain)
Kiss Kiss (feat. T-Pain)
The Way I Are (feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E.)
It Takes Two
Fantastic Voyage
California Love (Single Version) [feat. Dr. Dre]
Country Grammar (Hot...)
Ride Wit Me
E.I.
Mo Money Mo Problems (Featuring Mase & Puff Daddy)
Glamorous (Extended Workout Mix)
Jump
One, Two Step
Lose Control (Featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop)
Headsprung (Radio Version)
Delirious
Good Vibrations
Naughty Girl (Calderone Quayle Club Mix Edit)
Gangsta's Paradise (Amended LP Version)
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'
Wherever I May Roam
Enter Sandman
Ain't No Other Man

Ok, I'm not 100% sure Alex was down with the Prince, Michael Jackson, or Metallica for that matter...but you can feel the vibe. The thing that is funny is that I think that Alex busts this in the OR.

The Mc's little girl, Halle, and Calvin match up in age, and suprisingly, in linguistic temperment. They would have these RIDICULOUS outburts and then stop to say the sweetest 'thank you' if you gave them something. Jon and I refer to this behavior as 'politely ferocious'. And it's amazing we even discovered these shared traits since Halle is only awake 6 HOURS A DAY. So, whenever Halle was awake, we were all excited that she was making 'an appearance'!

Lastly, our weekend wouldn't be complete (or comprehensible) without decoding the lingo:

(M) Cankles: the anatomical situation where the calf muscle and ankle blend together without definition (big ankles) formerly referred to as 'corndog legs'

(F) Bevvy: beverage

(M) Shelf-booty: booty big enough to balance a bevvy

(M) Ten-fold: times ten in particular regard to getting back at one's spouse formerly known as 'the hammer'

(M) CSB: cold sweet beverage

(M) Tonsil hockey: what Alex determined Jon must be doing after looking at how big my tonsils are

Lastly, it was determined by all parties that Alex has the softest hair ever. Even by Jon - but we won't get into that.

Then I Drink My Own Pee, Right?

THAT caught your attention, right? Ok, so, we are HUGE fans of http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/manvswild/manvswild.html. And, much to my dismay today, we let our kids watch it because it is SOOO cool. There was an episode where the guy, Bear Grylls, was stranded in either Africa or Australia and was de-hydrated. He then proceeded to drink his 'own pee'. Fast forward to today: I'm having a nice civilized lunch with my boys at Pei Wei. Out of left field, my mouth full so as not to stop the onslaught of questions, Mackey in his not so quiet voice asks: "So, Mom, if I get lost in Africa I eat a dead zebra and drink my own pee, right?"
Me: Choke, sputter. "Um, no honey, that's..."
Mackey: "Oh...ok, so if I'm just in Africa I drink my own pee?"
Me: Sipping drink to clear blockage. "That's not what people automatically do in..."
Mackey: "Not Africa? Ok, so if I ever get lost anywhere, I drink my own pee?"
Me: listening to nearby snickers "There will be no need for pee-drinking of any sort, in any place where you may get lost."

Jon's Look a Like - What? No George Clooney?

Even More Flattery - NO Resemblance, but What Fun!

Celebrity Look-a-Likes (or More Internet Game Flattery)

But(t) Wait, There's More!

If you read the last post or two, there's been a medical/bodily function theme. Alas, butt weight, there's more. I went to pick up Calvin from the gym's childcare. He was ripe, but I decided to run home to change him. After letting the HVAC guys in, who had been waiting for me to come home (since when are THOSE guys early?!), I unzip the jammies (because it's been the kind of week where the youngest gets totted around in jammies until noon) AND THE very full (ergo 'weighty') DIAPER HAS COME OFF and there is RUNNY, STINKY POOP EVERYWHERE. Sigh. I save a lot of things: left over scrapbook paper, gift bags...but I do NOT and will NOT save for my cleaning pleasure rotten disgusting pooped all over onesies and jammies. So, ta ta. Maybe my husband willed this on me for his close encounters of the most disgusting kind this am with Mackey.

Rachael Fisher, MD

Do they hand out honorary medical licenses if you've spent a certain number of hours in doctors' offices? Or do they hand those out once you return the 'at-home' stool sample kit for your 4 year old?
Monday: blissufully enjoy not spending better part of waking hours with doctors aka no idea what was to come.
Tuesday: 3 hours WAITING for pulmonologist and 3 hours of corresponding sleep when Calvin was up all night with ear infection. I develop an eye problem and request scrip at 3:30 am (on the machine, of course).
Wednesday: play phone tag with 3 different doctors' offices to coordinate various prescriptions for various ailments and attempt placation of crankly toddler - very cranky toddler. Calvin is on 2 OTC meds + 6 prescription meds which = big bucks. 'Quick' 1 hour doctor appointment where aforementioned stool sample kit was handed to aforementioned mother seeking doctorhood (or at least some props for not puking when they gave me the kit). Jon calls to say he'll be 3 hours late. Bribe Mackey with everything in my arsenal for him to poop...er...have a bowel movement when Daddy is home to do 'dirty work'. Pick Lucy up from school for dentist appointment along with 4 year old needing a stool sample and teething, no-nap-getting, ear-infection-having toddler. FUN TIMES. Have righteous indignation for: having been left with the crankiest toddler on the planet for way too long (+3 hours) and having to take multiple kids to multiple doctors' appointments on multiple days.
Thursday: Jon collects 'sample'...drop off 'sample'. Wow...and it's not even 8:30 am yet.

Calvin: Smoking Behind Bars

You know those cages in Costco where they sell cigarettes in bulk (apparently to usher in carcinogens in bulk)? Well, Calvin managed to squeeze into an unoccupied one the other day. And I mean squeeze like a mouse. You know how mice can contort their bodies to squeeze into impossibly small places? Alas, so can babies. I testify that the fact that children are not born with whiskers is either a design flaw or proof positive that God has a sense of humor. Although, it wasn't so funny getting him out. I felt like an episode of Prison Break...minus the tattoos.

And of course I love double entendre...Calvin and I spent THREE hours waiting at the pulmonologist's office today. AAAAHHHHHHH.

Peanut Butter Perfume and Activities NOT to do with a Baby

Something I left out of the Henderwerken post: Angela's and Jodie's accusations of me being flirty.

I have never identified with Jessica Simpson before (reincarnating the daisy dukes, fame outside of her own blog, tons of money), but I think we share the dingbat gene. The poor girl's intentions were constantly taken out of context or her exuberance (perhaps over free food?) mocked http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Jessica_Simpson.

I only bring this up because of my peanut butter perfume. I'm chatty. Really, really chatty. If I don't happen to have: my ring on, my three chaperones with me, or bright lights to show off my crinkly-wrinklies, I always have my special mom scent of peanut butter that mitigates the domestic diva and screams "MOM". Thus making comments friendly and not flirty. But, for laughs, here's what J&A thought was so funny:

Target: NYE, we pull up to Target around 7 pm, and I was concerned they might be closed. So INSTEAD OF PARKING AND WALKING UP, I ask the cart-gatherer guy what time Target closed. He responded that it closed at regular time, 10 pm. I told him that I was sorry (that he had to work so late on NYE), and I drove to park. The girls thought that was so funny. It wasn't until 4 hours later that I even understood why.

LifeTime Fitness: Both of my regular readers KNOW that I am a free food afficionado... We were at the LifeTime cafe, and Angela was going to get her employee discount - 20%. The guy behind the desk extended the discount to 50% and let me have the discount as well. Wasn't that nice? So, I was chatty with him and thanked him. For goodness sake, he was young enough to be my very old child if I started VERY early. Ok, not really. Maybe a nephew. But you know what I mean.

And then, things not to do with your baby: build anything from IKEA. I only wish I had the wherewithal to snap a picture of Calvin with a screwdriver amidst the mayhem trying to insert screws with a powertool. Even Mackey, quite the accomplished assistant with his own toolbox, was getting a little frustrated: "Caaaaaalllllviiiiiiiinnnnnn-a! We can't work with you sitting on mom's lap!" and my favorite "Caaaaaallllviiiiiiinnnnnnn-a! The screwdriver isn't a toothbrush!"

Lord of the Flies, Naughty Names, and a Solution for the Middle East

Lord of the Flies http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_of_the_Flies...suffice it to say that when adult friends get together, sometimes, SOMETIMES, kids may go...umm...er...undersupervised for short periods of time. Evidenced by the fact that almost every single kid sustained some kind of injury or illness at some point during the weekend... The list of casualties:

Jackson - lightsaber right between the eyes resulting in large gash.
Hannah - hand slammed in door multiple times - different occasions - requiring ice.
Ethan - remained elusive..? Correct me if I'm wrong, AVD.
Preston - threw up a few times and made full recovery by morning.
Taylor - hmmm...was she with Ethan or did she just not draw blood?
Mason - that kid is so sweet and mellow, I think he'd smile through anything.
Lucy - big digger coming home from church resulting in bloody, bruised up knees and elbows.
Mackey - took a chunk of skin out of his forhead on the trampoline (head wound = blood EVERYWHERE).
Calvin - looked at funny and screamed in addition to sustaining a broom trauma (or 3) to the noggin.


None of us had gone to bed any earlier than 2-3 am on any given night, so when NYE came around, I think that our judgement was a little impaired...


We - and by 'we' I actually mean 'I' - get a really good idea for New Year's...we set the clocks ahead (so that the kids think it's almost midnight [hello 9:00 pm]) and send them outside with fire. So, we gave
them all (minus the babies, of course, but I bet some of you were wondering at this point) sparklers. No one caught on fire and no one got poked in the eye. A successful party. Do notice the picture of Preston, Jackson, and Mackey: frat boys in the making...you know, in a BYU/very comfortable with his masculinity as he dons his sister's hand-me-down periwinkle full body pajamas sort of way. Also, please catch a glance at what Mason is reading so intently...
Weekend statement: The whole is more dangerous than the sum of its parts. - Mom(s)


But alas, I seem to be getting ahead of myself. The New Year's Eve party was the crowning event (notice the tiaras on the heads of all the girls)...it all started 48 hours previous. (Cue the harps that proceed a 'flashback sequence'.)

- VanDersations: Jay and Angela have this really, REALLY funny way of talking that made me laugh every time I heard it. (I'm convinced that they must work on it as a family at Family Home Evening). Unfortunately, I was not able to capture a VanDersation on
film, but suffice it to say it's a little like Fire Marshall Bill (aka Jim Carrey) from In Living Color with a lisp and cotton in his mouth. But I did catch a Jay a-juggling.

- Grocery shopping with an economist: as many of you know, Angela is an economist. As many of you may NOT know, Jodie and I are not. While merrily going about our shopping, searching out the worst possible prices (apparently) on Diet Dr. Pepper, Angela pointed out that THAT Diet Dr. Pepper (which is everywhere down here like milk and honey) is cheaper than the DDP you already put in your cart...DUH. It was like statistics domination in VanDernese: "schtatishtics".

Making a grown man cry: while my husband went MIA and eveyone else was tending to kids, Steve, the good soul that he is...or the scared soul who wanted to supervise the making of the chili, offered to help chop onions. AKA: my LEAST favorite task... A few tears and some tips from his own chili-making ways later, a pretty decent chili was born. Another worthy onion side bar? Hannah LOVES to eat raw onions. We were trying to figure out a way for her to hustle Jon for a dollar in an onion-eating contest.

Some of the things we did staying up until 2 - 3 am every night:

- determined (for the millionth time) our...uh...um...er...(whisper: porn) names - the name of the dog you had as a kid + the name of the street you grew up on = porn name. We didn't get beyond Angela's: Sparky Chokecherry. That's funny now, but it's REALLY funny at 2 am.

- contemplated how to fix the US border issues and why they need a-fixin', predicted the ins and outs of the upcoming presidential election while weighing in on each of the candidates, discussed the electability of a Mormon candidate, and came up with a pragmatic solution to Iraq specifically and the Middle East in general. Suffice it to say: Hendricks for President!

- schools, kids, education, friends, activities, change, the airforce football game that some of the menfolk attended 12/31, how we all met (hurray for spandex!), and so on...there was some A.D.D.-age in there...I can't remember everything. Besides, it probably wouldn't amuse you unless you are reading this between 2-3 am.

Some of the resultant behavior from staying up until 2-3 am:

Grown women doing gymnastics in my living room. Was it the intense work out at the gym that got our blood movin'? Don't answer that; it's rhetorical. Um, no; our collective sub-consciouses must have decided against sweat so that we could run out to peruse purses sans the shower after the gym. Besides, without the low zone, conversational workout, Angela and I could have never demonstrated what kinds of words are acceptable in everyday conversation here in TX. IE: Gaydar...minus the hushed, conspiratol whisper. I will spare you the complete list of words and phrases that are acceptable in conversation, business meetings, and over loud-speakers.

Everyone was so afraid that I was going to overshare on the blog, and ironically, I can't think of how to best chronicle this most fantastic visit. My memory is dimmed by too many late nights. What is not dimmed, however, is the feeling of privelege that I have being friends with such wonderful people. We had a great time, and we are glad you came. And






perhaps another family will visit so I can see the VDs again...