24...My Robert Pattinson Experience

So I met Robert Pattinson. In case you don't know (how could you not?...you are dead to me), he is the actor who plays Edward Cullen in the Twilight movie.

...Although it didn't go down quite as simply as that. It was a little bit more like an episode from 24...sans the action and violence...wait. There was some of that, too. But more in a teenage bravado kind of way.

Monday...

6:00 pm: say sianara to the family and hello mom as we drive down to the Galleria "Hot Topic" store (the anti-JCREW) to find out more about what we need to do to meet Robert Pattinson (RP).

7:00 pm: find out that we need to stay off mall property until 6 am and that it will be an orderly procession, things should run smoothly cuz "no one wants another San Francisco". Whatever. A) toughen up, buttercup and B) shut up you big liar cuz it was a FIASCO.

8:00 pm: shop, cuz, duh, we're in one of the biggest malls around. Who doesn't love Banana Republic when mom's buyin? Meet some of the cutest Twilight junkies ever - remember how cute 21 is? - and exchange digits to keep in touch over the night.

9:00 pm: mall's closing... Go to logical parking lot to park for the 'event' where we run into Nina and Meghan, twilight girls from Banana Republic, who are sleeping/hanging out in their car for the long haul. They say they'll text when they see groups forming. Head back to the Marriott cuz my husband's a ROCKSTAR and sets me up like that.

10:00 pm: we do a little recoinassance. Figure out where to park, where lines might form, etc. Bring N and M some cookies and apples (cuz Twilight cover? ha ha ha).

11:00 pm: Go back to hotel to wash up and try to sleep but can't. Lay down.

12:00 am: get text that N and M are getting in line and a couple of other Tweaks have shown up. Get out of bed. Freshen up (code for put make up back on...it's a public service for all the people that will have to see me). My mom insists on coming with me after I ask her to stay and sleep.

1:00 am: been in line 30 minutes. Am I really gonna do this all night? My mom stays in the car cuz it's the only humane thing to do for an almost 80 year old woman. Total Cheers moment? When I got there there were 25/30 people in line. My new BFFs, who are in front, call me out to go to the front with them. Sigh. Now I have 4 friends: Nina, Meghan, Holle, and Mallory. Made my day. They told me that I was the coolest mom they'd ever met. They like me? They really like me? So high school of me, but they're AWESOME girls.

2:00 am: line. Good thing I brought that Monster drink. And committed a fashion crime by wearing running shoes with jeans. Really second-guessing the sanity of my decision-making processes. What the heck am I doing? Help one of my new BFFs study for an exam she has at 10 am.

3:00 am: line. I tell N and M that they can shower at our hotel when the whole thing is over. Get stumped in Twilight trivia. I know. Never thought I'd see the day either.

4:00 am: line...I could have a master's in line-waiting by now. Police talk to the 'crowds' that have gathered (800 people or so?). Describe how things will proceed. If anyone passes police, they will be escorted off property, arrested, blah blah blah (yes, my inner and very rebellious teenager is officially out to play!).

5:00 am: line...crowd starts to get unruly. Did I mention that I've been standing in sheeting rain for 40 minutes? We're in the front. We'll follow the 'rules' and surely we'll get tix with no problem...aka false optimism.

5:30 am: police come over to 'escort' people to the line form area. Pandamonium breaks out and there's a mad dash for the cue space. All rules broken. Police not caring. Crushing force. Good thing I'm not dainty. I can't breathe, and strangers are touching me. A big no-no.

6:00 am: police declare that if people are standing in the area behind him, like I was, there was no way they were getting a ticket. Go home. What the...? Um, no. I am 'going-to-catch-pneumonia-SOAKING-wet'. I did NOT just endure that and do what was asked for that result. So, never one to take 'no' for an answer, I left my place and found one of the police officers who I'd chatted with back in line at...oh...3 am. He told me sorry no way blah blah blah. Um, not acceptable. I dodged a barrier, snuck by security, and went to another officer close to the front. Who had to recognize me. For goodness' sakes I was one of the oldest people there. Sure to stand out! He did. I plead my case. Hard. And apparently, persuasively. He had to ask some other guy to whom I had to plead my case. Harder. More persuasively. He smiled, rolled his eyes and tugged me into the ticket line where I got my pass!! Number 497 of 500. But two of my four new BFFs didn't get in...awash in guilt.

7:00 am: line for bracelets now. The bracelets that let you get exclusive t-shirt and rights to stand in another line later that night to meet RP.

8:00 am: line. Avoiding news cameras at all costs. It's one thing for my friends to know what a nut job I am...it's another thing entirely for people who don't know me that well to see me on TV doing this.

9:00 am: just got into Hot Topic (despicable place - no argyle) and got directions, t-shirts, and the all-important wristband. Ready to meet mom and down-trodden N and M. Makes more sense to get them showers at the Lifetime gym close by. So, they follow me there.

10:00 am: dead on my feet. But I have a whole day at a mall without my kids before more waiting to meet RP. I can sleep when I'm dead. I shower and get ready to hit the mall.

11:00 am: shop in delerium.

12:00 am: shop.

1:00 pm: shop.

2:00 pm: finally eat some real food.

3:00 pm: shop. Not even sure I enjoy shopping anymore. Run into N and M...they bought wristbands from scalpers. They can go! This makes my day, and I'm very happy for them. They did drive all the way up from San Antonio after all.

4:00 pm: shop. Think about the line that is probably forming...again.

5:00 pm: vanitiy strikes. Find a Nordstrom. Apply make up...paying particular attention to under-eye concealer and eye drops. Head down to the line cue. Where they said they would put people in numerical order. Liars. First come, first served. Lame. I can't STAND when people don't do what they say they're gonna do. But, as they say...fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

6:00 pm: line.

7:00 pm: line. I officially have a PhD in line-waiting. Can't wait for another line for the midnight showing next week. At least I'll know what to bring to occupy our time.

7:16 pm: meet Robert Pattinson. Smile, ask if we're his oldest fans. No, he didn't think so. Answered a question for my mom. He smiles a DAZZLING (to quote) smile and signs the designated event poster for each of us. That's it. He's WAY cuter than any of the pix are giving him credit for. He wasn't wearing a hat. He seemed pleasant and friendly if not a little funny for being the center of all this crazy atttention.

7:17 pm: happy to have met him. Sorry for hindsight being 20/20 and not bringing him a cool gift like a hat (the kind I wear, not his kind). Sorry for being too tired to really care.

7:30 pm: headed home.