Life is Like Assembling IKEA Furniture

As I spent untold sweaty hours assembling Calvin's bed yesterday, a thought occurred to me: life is like assembling IKEA furniture. For those of you who have undertaken such a task, you know that it is a labor of love as well as a labor of frugality.

IKEA provides you with all of the parts you need, fantastic directions, a help line, and an efficient, well-engineered piece of furniture at the end of your labors. However, as we've all experienced, if you don't read the IKEA directions thoroughly or don't call the help line when you need it, you get midway (if you're lucky) through your project and realize that you've made a mistake or two early on that keep you from completing your piece. And, like I learned yesterday, when asking a two year old to pass me a dowel, it's easy to get distracted. I lost my place, built something wrong, and I had to break it down to start over.

**Sigh**

In life we start out with talents, skills, and traits; direction and inspiration from family, leaders, scriptures, etc.; and prayer. We hopefully recognize a well-lived life as a result of our labors. However, if we don't pay attention, get distracted (mostly by 2 year olds eating IKEA screws or hammering a brother on the head) or ignore help, we may also find ourselves down a frustrating path needing to make some changes.

Fortunately, I discovered my mistake long before Calvin climbed onto his new loft bed. Calvin enjoys his new bed with nary a sign of my mistake. May I have the sense to do the same as a parent and human-being (sometimes these are mutually exclusive)...and if not, may we find a good therapist for them when they grow up.

Dark Knight

OH MY GOSH! I just got back from seeing Dark Knight. Yes, this is one of the petty things that makes me a fantastic wife: I love comic book-based movies. What a fantastic movie!!! Christian Bale: Dreamy. Heath Ledger: Gifted. Aaron Eckhart: Awesome. An action movie with a message. Upon discussion, I realized that the message may differ from person to person (I saw an opinionated political view - Jon...not so much). Gadgets and moves galore. I wished at several points in the movie that I'd had my heart rate monitor on...just out of curiosity. And on, and on, and on. Although, I'll add along with my critical review that there's NO WAY I'd bring a youth to this movie. It's not for the faint of heart or easily impressionable. It's intense and not what I'd call a 'feel good' movie. But it is ridiculously cool.

Has anyone else braved the crowds to see this one? What'd you think????

Brett Favre

All I can say is: Joe Montana.

Here's Brett Favre...one of the best quarter-backs ever...a dynasty in his own right. He is Green Bay. He has also retired and is now trying to get back in the game, first string with Green Bay. They want him to play back up, he's concerned about legacy, and wants to play for another team. When I think of Joe Montana, I think of the great career he had with the 49ers...and the stumbling block at the end with the Kansas City Chiefs.

What doesn't Brett Favre understand? When he is remembered, people are gonna remember how weird it was that he retired (again) from a team other than the Packers.

All such poor taste. I wish NFL retirees would stay retired.

What Makes My Grandparents So Smart

My maternal grandparents emigrated to the United States from Italy, aka the Old Country, in the early 1900s. Eager to assimilate into their new country, they shunned their native tongue for English. Later came World War II, and it wasn't terribly popular to be Italian in the United States. As a result, my mother, like many children of Italian immigrants of the time, never learned more than a couple of words in Italian.

Perhaps this was by design.

What if they were royally frustrated by their children and started yelling (with hand motions as Italians are prone to do)...in a language the kids didn't understand. Parents blow off steam while children remain emotionally intact. They don't know what their parents were saying! Only that they were mad. The only thing the kids take away are a few choice words to remind them of their heritage. Voila!

Hold to the Rod/DIALin' It Up

Because we hang out with the VanDerwerkens a lot, we also get to hang out with their good friends, Jenn and Rod Dial. So, the Dials, and two of their boys, joined us on the aforementioned kayaking trip. Pre-Dial, I anticipated a leisurely row on the lake chatting with the VanDerwerkens, looking at turtles, and passing ducks. Let's just say that when Jenn and Rod join a party, they really Dial it Up: Rod is an outdoorsman extraordinaire and daredevil and Jenn is fun, gracious, and totally laid-back.

Because our group was so big, we had to split into different boats. Originally Lucy and Hannah were in a boat to themselves...and they managed to get stuck 4 times in 10 minutes. So Rod commandeered their boat...I think by jumping into the boat like a monkey. And from then on a bond was forged between Rod and Lucy...like Stockholm Syndrome (where captive identifies with captor) largely punctuated by "Mom! Can I ride in your boat? Mr. Dial is SCARING me!!!" and "I don't like this". (Much to my parenting embarrassment...) All until it came to 'cliff' jumping. Rod was the only way kids were gonna get up to jump. All of a sudden, Lucy had to hold to the Rod, and he was her new best friend.

What Makes Me a Bad Friend

It all starts with Jon wanting to take a cruise together...preferably without kids but with kids cuz I'm the wimp that can't leave them for a week. Which sounds like fun until I get hung up on two little issues: Stuntman Steve (Calvin) taking a swan dive off the ship and international child molesters running the child care. Does that veranda look two year old proof? I submit that it does NOT. Yes, I'm aware that these concerns are statistically irrational. So, the cruise has long been a sticking point for us as a couple.

Fast forward.

One night we were out to dinner with the VanDerwerkens at Central Market which has awesome food and cheap kid eats (Angela and I usually plan our food forays around 'kids eat free'). Angela starts talking about cruises, cruises with families, etc. I state my concerns, and she laughs at me the way Jon laughs at me (they are strikingly similar - one day I'll blog about the sports bra).

Fast forward...or more a slow forward like frame by frame.

I suggested going kayaking (how very rugged of me) the next day...which was a Saturday. Of course, Angela, who actually lives here and isn't in vacation-ish, husband-travel limbo, had plans. Not what I'd classify as lame plans...but they were definitely going to get in the way of our kayaking. She can't get out of the first yoga class she's going to teach at LTF, but playing the organ at a funeral?

Enter bad friend: "Angela, can't you get someone else to do that?"

Angela: "Ok, if you go on a cruise."

So, it's settled: I sell my boating birthright for a day kayaking with friends and Angela's an organ (playing) donor.

TMI and Double-Double Dog Dare

**WARNING!!! WARNING!!! The following post is not for the faint of heart. There will be too much information and a challenge at the end. Proceed with caution...**

Let me set this up. We are in Austin, TX. Which is like the 'weirdest' place on earth. Which I kindof love because I grew up near Berkeley, CA and which I kindof hate because I vote republican. Anyway, hippie, hippie, hippie. Organic EVERYTHING. Whole Foods everywhere. Crunchy, tree-huggy people everywhere. I've never seen more REIs nor smelled more 'natural' deodrant in my life (in the USA). In fact, a guy brought his gigantic floor model BONG to the pool. No joke. Jon and I had been commenting on it for days! Hippieville.

Enter the Too Much Information (TMI) zone: Last time we were in Austin, nevermind. Jon wants me to yada yada yada over this part. A funny idea struck me - maybe it's funny to me because Jon is so, SO ultra-conservative.

Me: "Why don't you go to the Whole Foods across the street and ask them if they carry any organic condoms?"

Jon: "What?! I'm not gonna do that! That's ridiculous. I don't even think there is such a thing."

Me: "So what? It'd be hilarious. Cuz you know they'd look around for it. And if they didn't believe you, you could say how you saw it in some 'Organic Digest' magazine or something. And duh, don't they keep up with their market, yada yada yada. Just sell it."

Jon: "Yeah, I'll tell it's made from seaweed or something. I don't think I could keep a straight face."

Me: "I'll video you...discreetly. You'd go down in blogger/you tube history!!! Come ON!! It'd be sooo funny! I double-dog dare you!"

Challenge: So, we're at a standstill. I still think it would be hilarious to film him doing this. Do you? Would you like to see this funny little exchange? Please see poll to the side or leave a comment. I'm hoping to peer pressure him into it!!!